Lions and Tigers and Bears... Oh my!

There was a bit of a misunderstanding, at least On my end. On sunday morning I had a breakdown and instead of writing the ugly things I felt inside, I posted a passage from Figt Club, one of my favourite books. It was pushing the bounds of honesty and I thought everyone had politely ignored it. I have appologised several times but no one has acknowleged it. Well that's because it didn't publish. Still, I felt that as honesty goes, it should still be up there. I have decided to post it and it should apear above this post;  today's post. Still, feel free to politely ignore it! 

Monday morning. I know am running behind, also, I feel I owe some people an explanation and an apology. When I say I can't do one thing or another, I'm not putting myself down, I'm just stating a fact. I really am finding it so much harder to do all these things -write, play, (god forbid) draw- than I used to, so when I say I can't do it, I'm being honest, not criticising myself. I think a part of it is that I'm struggling with some demons I haven't identified yet, angry serpent-like things that are making me feel a lot of anger. I can't tell where they're coming from or what purpose they serve. Yesterday I had a gutteral rage that i couldn't find an outlet for, I'm sorry that I felt the need to express it here. I know it may have been unfair of me, but I like to belive that this blog is about a whole person and a whole experience and I do have a lot of ugly feelings inside me. 

Thank you to all the kind people who stick with me and write such kind things. You are honarary family, you have shown a kindness I find baffling and touching as it exceeds what I expect from people. 

I really do feel like I'm losing something, but I hope I'm just mislaying it. It's easy to see the bad things, they're louder than the simple moments of happiness that weave themselves into our day. I have seen and done the most delightful and wonderful things here, I've met strangers who needed somone to talk to, I've done things I never thought I'd get to do, and found amazing simple pleasures, perfect moments. ...however I have wrestled with feelings that are not new to me, but still continue to confound me each time they arise. I don't want them and they're not welcome. A better way to live would be to simply observe these feelings without judging them, to watch as they come and go without giving them power. Yeah, I know the drill, but I can't do it. Yet. 

So what have I done since the last time I really wrote? I've been to the zoo and fed the Lions, I've (shhh, it's a secret) been in the serval enclosure and petted the servals, I've been back to Ninjaflower (Wellington's best piercing studio) and had a few ear piercings, I've been to see beyond (a modern circus act) in the opera house, I've been back to Ninjaflower for photos of my piercinngs (to go in their portfolios), I've been to Zealandia (Wellington's nature reserve) in the sunny sunny daytime, I've had mighty tantrums inside and done some major sulking, I've been to see the Hobbit again (3D, 48fps, Atmos sound) and made up with my inner nerd, I've met up with some women who share in a hobby with me, I've talked a lot! I've had minor breakdowns, that felt like the end of the world when they happened. I've said some things here that were maybe too honest. I've been back to the zoo a 3rd time and gone behind the scenes with one of the keepers to meet their tiger, I have been snubbed and ignored by a tiger! I have met sun bears instead, and watched them go through their training and health checks, I have fed bears jam off a spoon. 

I have been on a night tour of Zealandia and been caught in a downpour in the forest valley for 2 hours; the tail end of Cyclone Lusi. I have seen a Kiwi roaming, I have seen a wild Eel, Wetas and Tuis and Bellbirds, I have seen Tuatara and Glowworms so beautiful they hurt to watch. 

I have had to wear flipflops and keep all my drippy, soaked through clothes in plastic bags.  

I have walked Cuba street and the waterfront and met many strangers who wanted someone to tell their story to, I met Terry who had brain damage but remembers 'gale and angela' and remembered his father the moment he heard him speak, I have met the woman who usually cooks but decided to get her friend a takeaway, I have met the man who is south african but lives in New zealand, who just got a new job.

I have drank ginger beer in the sun, and eaten in the museum garden, and searched for pebbles under a bridge. 

Lastly, I have flown away, leaving Wellington behind and arriving in Auckland with it's summer breezes, and Cicadas and sunshine in the day, and it's crickets by night. I have eaten warm Pumkin soup in a mug and gotten very sleepy. 

Now you have got as far as I have. What will tomorrow be made of? I don't know, good things and peace I hope. 

Night night xx 

He's the top of the west, always cool, he's the best...

So what did I do today? Washed my hair and my clothes, much to my delight, drying them in the dryer (my clothes not my hair!). I then took the bus into town and bought two cinema tickets, for today and tomorrow. Then I went to the museum, Te Papa. Guess what they've got in the museum in Wellington...
Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni! Yes! That's right!
Only I'm not a big fan of the 'Colossal Squid', I'm an Architeuthis girl through and through. I only had time to look at one of the exhibitions in the museum as I had to be back at the cinema, to see my film. Armed with a posh ginger beer in a glass bottle and a bag of Skittles, I settled into my seat in the Embassy theatre, the classiest building I've ever been in. Comfy leather seats and armrests, wooden cup holders, and immaculately clean. It is a cinema where you can order food from the restaurant or drinks from the bar, and have them delivered to your seat. It is the cinema the Hobbit World premier was held in. I was in heaven. I found the experience so wonderful in fact, that I started falling asleep halfway through Django Unchained (my third viewing of the masterpiece!) I fought my dreams off for the rest of the film, often missing sections of 2 or 3 minutes. My eyes burned. It was an epic struggle much akin to Django's struggle in the film. I successfully saw the end of the film through, just staying awake for my favourite song, and then crawled to the bus home, which went without incident. Once I got home I toyed with walking the long walk to where I was staying before and the supermarket but my host assured me it was further and I thought and I should go for a walk on the seafront. I don't like beaches (not to be mistaken with beeches, which I LOVE!) and it turns out, I don't like beaches even when they're the other side of the world. So I decided I would see how far I could walk before I had to stop. I walked to the supermarket after all, and was disappointed to remember I had only a little money as I hadn't planned on going. So I bought myself 2 packets of dried mango and dragged myself home (it was that windy). I took a chance on some green mango too this time and it is all gone! Oh well! Tomorrow I will walk back and get some proper shopping on my way back from Wellington proper. I must admit, I quite like it 'here'... (Shhh, Don't tell anyone, it'll spoil my pessimistic reputation!)

3 days in one!

Well, I don't have an awful lot to say to be honest, it has been a 'heavy' few days in my head if I'm honest so I may not have been able to enjoy the last 3 days to their full potential. On Sunday I did a beach and rainforest walk. I had a lovely guide and was accompanied by two men from Shanghai and an Australian mother and daughter. Mostly pictures will suffice for this one, so that's what you'll get! My camera battery ran out at the last stop (the one I'd been most excited about) so I have very few photos of that.
The next day was my coach ride from Auckland and Wellington which went ahead without incident (actually, we had an emergency tyre change, but it was pretty hassle free) so there's not much to report on that front, again, pictures to follow.
Lastly I am here in Wellington, the hose is amazing and so are the hosts. They have a cat, Juno, she is a black (smoke) Oriental (which if you don't know, is a Siamese in a different colour) who is lovely and friendly, loud and purrs but has a Jekyll and Hyde style personality and will turn and attack you with no warning, it's quite funny really.
My room is lovely, but cold compared to my baking hot room in Auckland! This house is so full of life in comparison, there are two other guests, a young couple from Switzerland and Holland.
My Day began with me happily playing Ukulele outside, only for the well meaning Dutch girl to offer to walk me into town, then she walked me onto a bus and to the museum. My only plans for today were to relax (because I was very stressed) and then find my route into the city ready for when I needed it tomorrow morning, taking note of when and where the bus stopped, the name and route of the bus and bus stop, and how to get from there to the tourist information building. Well I had my plan, and then every part of it got changed and I found myself at the museum, having got the wrong bus, in the wrong place, etc etc, only to be told "Right, I'll be off then, you will be okay, wont you?" Um.... NO. There I was at the Museum, for no apparent reason, unable to go back to the house for fear of offending the girl who had taken me there for no apparent reason, and having no idea how to get back even if I wanted to. I went into melt down and found myself totally unable to work out what to do next. I'm not writing this to indulge some part of myself that wants to moan (well, just a little) I am writing this so I can rightly tell you what happened next.
The kindest two people came along and helped me. They calmed me down, they offered to buy me coffee, they walked with me all the way to the train station (their idea) and help me find the buses I would need on Friday when I move one. They left me with kind words, a map and a prayer for my success for the rest of my travels. They left me with more gratitude than I can possibly express and I have tears in my eyes even as I write this. I wish I had a way to tell them how much their kindness touched me. Their names are Elizabeth and Martin, they come from England. I feel proud to be British, and proud to be human, we're not a bad bunch. Thank you Beth and Martin.
(And it took me over and hour and a half to find my way home from the bus!)
Now photos...