Leaving so soon?

Well yes actually, I am. In fact, I've already left. "Where are you?" I hear you cry! "Why have you left us so soon!" I hear you exclaim! "Where are my bloody Cookies?" I hear you grumble. Quieten down, you'll get your Cookies.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
This morning I was enjoying the knowledge that all I had on my agenda was visiting a friend and baking said Cookies. Then I found out Sore Fingers was starting, TODAY. I rang a bunch of different numbers and eventually managed to book myself a place. Now I am poorer and somehow even more scared (I know, I didn't think it could get much scarier either!) and wondering if I have made a decision based on complete and fleeting insanity. I am sitting in my DORM room at a boarding school in the Cotswolds, I am literally living at Hogwarts for a week. Okay, well it's nothing like Hogwarts except for the great hall which looks a little like a smaller and less enchanted version of the one in Hogwarts. I am hoping tomorrow I will be sorted into my house by a talking hat before heating to 'defence against the dark arts' but my timetable just says breakfast, assembly and classroom tuition so probably not.
I also have a lanyard with my name and dietary preference on it (vegetarian), i am somewhat affronted to find I am the only person with 'late' written at the bottom of theirs. Nah, I'm just kidding, it makes me feel special. So far I get introduced to new people like this "This is Hannah" *hand shake* "she only found out about it this morning and still managed to come." I will probably be known as "that girl who was late". It is bedtime now, but Sore Fingers is the school that never sleeps, and as such the students all head out the the bar (yes, it has a bar) and then congregate into groups in the canteen/hall/bathroom/dorm/garden/car to jam into the small hours (really small apparently, like, 4AM).
But for me it IS bedtime, night night sensible people, have a carefree sleep and enjoy your pain free fingers.

Love what you have THEN have what you love.

Hello again dearest readers, I wanted to thank you all for your answers to my question the other day. I was very happy to find the wealth of different opinions and ideas that people had. Although I can't say I shared everybody's views, I was so happy that people answered! Cookies for you all!! My star bakers (that's what I'm calling you guys) were Sue Oldrieve and Lisa Miller, both of you hit the metaphorical nail on it's proverbial head! I will personally ensure you get your cookies! ("You'll get your Cookies" I quite like that as a new idiom...)
Anyway, my point is to give you all my own views on the matter.
I can make this as personal as I want, mostly because I am the guardian of the cookies and normal rules don't apply to me.
I believe that, in my case at least, I must learn to love what I have. Now I can't speak for all of you, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this applies to others, not just me. I think I expect to much of both myself and of the world around me. Too often I aim too high or don't aim at all due to fear things will not be good enough. I need to learn to love each thing, each person and each experience based on what they are, not on my hopes and fears. Like a child, no one bases their love of their child on what their child is like, people love their children regardless of their victories or problems. All life would be better enjoyed this way, otherwise I set myself up to fail, and no amount of searching will find me perfection. I need to learn acceptance because by accepting both the good and bad in life I will be able to better deal with my achievements and loses. Without this, my expectation will always get in the way of my happiness. However, once I have learnt how to accept and appreciate things for what they are, there is nothing to stop me enjoying whatever else I aim for.
I feel I haven't done a very good job of explaining my thoughts on this, so to sum it up, my personal opinion is you need to love what you have before you can have what you love.
Final note, kudos to Dad whose opinion was the funniest!

Home.

I will not reflect on what it's like being home, there has been no shortage of bad news. But I will say I truly knew I was home when Marla crashed into my room this morning with no thought of my jet lag and scratched at my face until I let her in my bed. Apparently I slept through her crying by my door which is a small mercy. I was overjoyed. May she crash into my room and scratch my face EVERY morning, I feel blessed!
New Zealand was a wonderful experience omitting and ignoring all the parts I didn't enjoy! (isn't that what we do?) I am home and ready to put on my rose tinted goggles and daydream about how much better it is over on the other side of the world. I jest, but in honesty, I don't know how I could have coped with the feeling of being torn in two directions I felt at leaving Wellington if I hadn't promised myself I would go back soon. Because now I am home I can admit, I had grown rather fond of Wellington, and I don't admit that lightly. It takes a lot for me to say that, just typing it makes me feel vulnerable, like admitting I may actually like something will see it torn away from me at the first opportunity. There are things I want to do now I'm back in Britain, but you will have to wait for those. Which brings me to point two, my Blog, if there are those among you who would keep reading, I will keep writing. I can't guarantee it will be full of the exciting lion taming and bus catching thrills of my experience in New Zealand, but I find I have a lot to say (who knew!!) so I have an outlet to document, question, analyse and proclaim the events and thoughts of my everyday life, which I hope will only grow from here. I am already planning future travels, and I promise if things get boring I will throw in a car chase or mud wrestle to keep everyone sweet. How does that sound? I I will stay, if you'll have me?
Hope you are all well, believe it or not, I have a lot of love for those wonderful people who have kept me going with their comments since I've been away, you don't know how many times you guys have brightened my day or pulled me out of the gloom. I love you all, each one of you!!
Now listening to: Fleetwood Mac - Rumours. (I know all these songs? Was I brainwashed subconsciously as a child?!)

Into the west

If you don't get that title reference, I'm disowning you. Start googling!
Right, for those of you with better, vaster, wiser minds, I am now in singapore, it is 28 degrees, I am wearing a 3 layers, including thermals AND a jumper. I've got 18 until I'm due to arrive Heathrow. Including 14 hours of flying. I am tired, if I was in NZ I would have been fast asleep hours ago, but if I want to shake jet lag, I will have to adhere to british hours. Should be time for bed shortly after I get on the plane. I can't wait to touch down in lovely Britain, but I do already miss New Zealand, wellington at least. I feel a bit dizzy which is probably lack of sleep, it is weird here, I'm sitting by the airport Koi pond. There is a cinema here too, and a butterfly garden, all in departures. It makes Heathrow look like a cattle market. It is the most amazing airport. Like a little indoor town. Very laid back and full of places to rest and relax, there are windows (no windows in Heathrow!) and fountains. Ahhh I hope I sleep on the plane. Oh well, I have run out of things to say, have a nice day!! My next plane is an airbus A380, the biggest passenger plane around today... In case you were wondering.

So close...

I am in the airport, I depart on my 32 hour flight in 40 minutes, I can't wait. I can't even begin to describe how much I have missed home. I don't particularly want to spend all that time on planes and in airports, but it is worth is a hundred times over if it means I am back with the people I love! Dear Britain, I am almost home.

What was I doing on the 14th? Funny you should ask...

On the 14th I was so darn excited about what I had done that day, I was too excited to write a post on it!
So on the 14th, I went to Wellington Zoo, I fed the Lions, and then met the Cheetahs. I can't put into words how amazing it was, especially the Lions, so I will just have to show you the photos.

You don't call, you don't write...

Sorry about that, I can't tell you how exhausting it is off galavanting around the world in the glorious summer sunshine. Actually, I'm serious, I'm so tired when I get in, sometimes I'm too tired to eat. I mean well and have many things to tell you. I have missed a few days (good ones) worth of stories so will tell them when I have the time, I hope you all understand. I LOVE the Amazing comments you wonderful people leave me! I am never sure whether you get my replies (when I have time to send them.)
You are ALL entitled to cookies* as promised! Thank you wonderful people, I assure you, the BEST is yet to come.
Love you, (really, I'm not just saying that.) see you soon (some of you.)
Xx
*conditions still apply. Cookies are available upon collection only, no home delivery option available, I'm too electric to drive. Dinglers need not worry, Cookie delivery can be arranged.

The world is not in your books and maps, it's out there.

It's hard to watch my very favourite story unfold and not find myself drawn to the words within it that seem to strike to the heart of many of the issues I face. How am I not to fill with tears and a little guilt when Gandalf urges Bilbo to go out and live his life, when I hide behind my fears so readily. I would sooner read a hundred books, study maps and learn pieces of new languages than step outside for a moment to experience the world that created them.
Watching the Hobbit yesterday I felt particularly like I was being targeted when Gandalf says to Bilbo: "You'll have a tale or two to tell when you come back."
"Can you promise that I will come back?" Asks bilbo,
To which Gandalf replies: "No, and if you do, you will not be the same."
How could such lines not strike such a chord when I am sitting, 11,000 miles away from all that I love, knowing I heard those very words from a hundred people before I left. I was saving this post for my return, but I will admit now that I am still the same. This trip hasn't made me stronger, braver, happier. It hasn't "made me into a woman" nor has it made me fall in love with New Zealand (although I may have a little crush on Wellington, don't tell anyone!). But I can't say nothing has happened. This trip has made me aware, that in my most humble opinion, I won't ever change or find what I'm looking for until I learn to let go of my fears. I will always have unreasonable expectations and will move my boundaries to make sure nothing ever meets them, because I couldn't dare let my guard down. I know now too that I am still to afraid to really enjoy things in the way that other people seem to. The best experiences become nightmares when I suddenly panic over what could happen back home, or weather I even HAVE a home anymore. And when I do feel happy, it feels so fragile and I know any moment I could be crying over spilt milk. Lastly, and I hate to admit to this one, I feel lonely, I just don't feel right on my own. I don't know yet whether I will grow out of it, or whether I will always need someone to share things with, but at this time in my life, I do. This trip has been amazing. Not always happy, in fact I think I may have cried every day bar two, but I am adult enough to see adventures are not all good, and the line between great and terrible is very fine. It HAS been an amazing trip, but the next one will be better, because now I know more about ME, and where I need to change. (But not how quite yet.)
I did see the Hobbit in the Embassy Theatre, where the world premier took place, I did see it in 48fps, and I will see it again if there is any way to; it is MY trip and if I want to be a nerd then I will!!
It was glorious I am happy to announce and I look forward to it's release on DVD next month.
I will leave you with this most wonderfully quaint yet sincere quote from The Hobbit,
"Bilbo had many hardships and adventures before he got back. The wild was still the wild."

Ah Rosie...

So when I got to the street I'm staying on yesterday, I walked down to the right house, number 180, only to find there were 3 of them! 180a, 180b and 180c, then I spy something... A chocolate Burmese on one of the doorsteps!
"Hello" I said.
"Mew"
"Are you here to greet me?"
"Mew"
"Is there a key under the door mat?"
"Mew"
And there was!
So I let myself (and Rosie) in and within minutes we're snuggling together on the sofa. About half an hour later my host arrived home, the first thing I said to her was "Hello, this isn't your cat is it?"
"...no."
It turns out Rosie lives next door but knows (like any cat) that she actually owns the street. Apparently she is happy enough to come and go when she pleases and doesn't mind whether it's her own house or someone else's.
Ah Rosie, I hope I see you tomorrow.

He's the top of the west, always cool, he's the best...

So what did I do today? Washed my hair and my clothes, much to my delight, drying them in the dryer (my clothes not my hair!). I then took the bus into town and bought two cinema tickets, for today and tomorrow. Then I went to the museum, Te Papa. Guess what they've got in the museum in Wellington...
Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni! Yes! That's right!
Only I'm not a big fan of the 'Colossal Squid', I'm an Architeuthis girl through and through. I only had time to look at one of the exhibitions in the museum as I had to be back at the cinema, to see my film. Armed with a posh ginger beer in a glass bottle and a bag of Skittles, I settled into my seat in the Embassy theatre, the classiest building I've ever been in. Comfy leather seats and armrests, wooden cup holders, and immaculately clean. It is a cinema where you can order food from the restaurant or drinks from the bar, and have them delivered to your seat. It is the cinema the Hobbit World premier was held in. I was in heaven. I found the experience so wonderful in fact, that I started falling asleep halfway through Django Unchained (my third viewing of the masterpiece!) I fought my dreams off for the rest of the film, often missing sections of 2 or 3 minutes. My eyes burned. It was an epic struggle much akin to Django's struggle in the film. I successfully saw the end of the film through, just staying awake for my favourite song, and then crawled to the bus home, which went without incident. Once I got home I toyed with walking the long walk to where I was staying before and the supermarket but my host assured me it was further and I thought and I should go for a walk on the seafront. I don't like beaches (not to be mistaken with beeches, which I LOVE!) and it turns out, I don't like beaches even when they're the other side of the world. So I decided I would see how far I could walk before I had to stop. I walked to the supermarket after all, and was disappointed to remember I had only a little money as I hadn't planned on going. So I bought myself 2 packets of dried mango and dragged myself home (it was that windy). I took a chance on some green mango too this time and it is all gone! Oh well! Tomorrow I will walk back and get some proper shopping on my way back from Wellington proper. I must admit, I quite like it 'here'... (Shhh, Don't tell anyone, it'll spoil my pessimistic reputation!)

And breath...

So I am in Wellington again! Considering I spent a large section of my time in Wellington fretting, you might wonder how I feel being here for the second time in as many weeks... SO RELIEVED!
I am very happy with where I am staying! It is in a nice location and there are buses here throughout the day, I am only a few minutes walk from the sea. Coincidentally if I walked up the road I am on, and kept following it, I could walk both to the zoo, and to the last place I stayed in Wellington! It is raining and I am exhausted to bits, but if that's all I have to complain about then I am lucky indeed! I have booked a flight back to Christchurch from here, as that is where I will be flying home from, and it was cheaper to fly than take the coach/ferry AGAIN! I am in bed with a hot water bottle, I had Dinosaur pasta for tea, I have my own bathroom again. What's not to smile about. If only my favourite people were here to enjoy it with me, but I am happy to post something with less than my usual amount of moaning!
I hope you are all snug in your beds! Don't get up today, have a lie in... ALL DAY! Make sure to watch Lord of the rings and eat Pumpkin soup. You can eat a whole cake for dinner, don't feel guilty, blame me. Have lovely days the lot of you!
Tomorrow I may do no more than wash my hair, but I may do much more! I have no idea, it mostly depends on the weather. I with you all lots of love, xx

Where's the Diazepam?

It's 5.15 and I just woke up to the sound of rain hard on my window. I now have to get up, pack, take a taxi into the city and stand in that rain before travelling on coach and then ferry for ten and a half hours. Why won't New Zealand stop following me? Everywhere I go, New Zealand seems to be there too! Where's Britain? Where's my bed? Where's my Diazepam, right, I'm going to need that.

Love what you have or have what you love?

Maybe they are the same thing? Or maybe you should aim for a bit of both?
So,
Should you learn to love what you've got? Is acceptance the only route to contentment, fulfilment and happiness? Do you have to learn to love what you have now before you can ever love what you may have in the future?
Or,
Is acceptance defeatist? Does loving what you've got hold you back from pursuing your dreams? Can you only really be happy if you push yourself to your limits, never settling for less than the best you can achieve? Should you keep searching if something doesn't feel quite right?

Can you find happiness? Or is it something you have to learn?
Tell me what you think and I'll give you a Cookie!*

*Note:
People giving their opinions twice will not receive 2 cookies, 1 cookie per opinion only.
No gushing, it's a philosophical question, man up!
Cookies will be credited upon my return, no sooner.

Well, well, well-ington.

Okay, change of plan.
Coming to Christchurch scared me so much that I wanted to leave before I'd even arrived. However I am only leaving a day early, though it should also be noted I am leaving for Wellington, not Queenstown as planned. After the shock of Christchurch (which had nothing to do with the spider in my bed by the way) I felt I couldn't risk going to Queenstown in case it was the same. I have since heard that it is lovely, but I don't really want to spend 3 days alone there as I think I would feel lonely. SO, I am going back to Wellington. There were lots of things there I didn't get a chance to do, so this isn't entirely a bad thing. I am less likely to feel lonely and homesick in a place with so much to do, that I already know my way around to some degree. Although I feel I have done enough traveling for this month, and would very gladly skip home on the plane tomorrow, I will have to keep going for a while longer it seems. I can't get a refund on my home stay in Queenstown because they were greedy money grabbers, but I am trying to put that behind me and chalk it up to bad luck. I have booked to stay in a little beach cottage in Lyall Bay, Wellington and will try to visit the museum, the botanic gardens and the cinema while I'm there, but who knows! I will then have to travel back here to fly. So soon I will be setting off on a real, unplanned adventure, I feel sad but I have to keep positive!

Let me put it this way....

I don't like it.
No, I REALLY don't like it. I am 1 spider in my bed away from walking back to Wellington/on to Queenstown, or preferably swimming to Britain. At least Britain never left spiders in my bed.

Well I'm not going to tell you about yesterday if that's what you're thinking.

No seriously, I'm saving that!
Today I took the ferry from Wellington to Picton and the coach from Picton to Christchurch. I felt dreadful leaving the home in Wellington, not Wellington itself, I hadn't got to know it yet, but the home, my hosts and Juno were reluctantly left behind. The ferry trip was heartbreakingly beautiful, taking me entirely by surprise as I had no preconceived idea of what it would be like. The coach trip too had some beautiful scenery, although I must admit I had a severe case of coach trip paranoia (a phenomena quite common for me) and was convinced not only that the other passengers hated me, but that everyone I love would be dead by the time I reached my destination! I bumped into Simon and our well meaning dutch girl (whose name I can't spell!) from my last home stay who were in Kaikoura where we stopped off for a 30 refreshment break, small world! (Or country.) I did need to take 2 more buses once I got to Christchurch, something I did with little problem but much worrying. Not I am here, my Host has assured my there's "not much to do in Christchurch." How... Refreshing! We shall see what tomorrow brings, I am tired and right now I would sooner be back in Wellington or even Auckland. Good night!

For the record...

It wasn't wellington's surrounding areas that disappointed me, it was the tour. See photos Fig 1 and 2 below.
Fig 1. Wellington harbour.
Fig 2. Car park and quarry.

I jest, the quarry was an interesting location, if only the tour itself had been more interesting!
Forgot the menu in my last post, so see that too.

Wellingtons's beautiful car park tour...

Ah, it wasn't as bad as all that. But my tour of Lord of the rings filming location mostly consisted of the wonderful (but ordinary) trees of Wellington, accompanied by screen shots of where they were shown in the film. We weren't actually given any time to look around the more attractive locations, but were given an abundance of time to pose in front of various trees wearing elf ears (an activity I chose not to partake in) and given a running commentary by our guide who insisted on pointing out various things in the landscape and claiming they were the work of modern day Wizards or Orcs. (For example, apparently Wizards now use frizbees to help practice their spell casting aim.)
All in all the highlight was lunch (menu below) which was rather lovely!
There were four women on the tour who were only in Wellington for the day off their cruise and hadn't even seen lord of the rings, goodness knows what they thought! Though they seemed less disappointed than myself!
I will show you some photos and you can decide for yourself! (I'll even include a photo of William, Tom and Bert in the Te Papa museum!)
All this happened yesterday, and was followed by a patch of sheer panic and then a lovely dinner with my hosts and the young couple who have been staying here also (I say dinner, they had dinner and I made my own food, but I sat with them...)
Anyway, Christchurch tomorrow! But what about TODAY I hear you call! Well, today was so utterly mind numbingly exciting I need a day to compose myself. Night night!!

The animals came in two by two*

Okay, my belated zoo photos! (And aquarium too!) The Giraffe is for you Jamie! Also, please be warned there is an ugly photo of a dead tentacle coming up!
*not all animals are in pairs.