I'm not writing the blog anymore, I can't take the stress of it. It's a loss because I'll have nothing to look back on, but it's not like last year and ever since I arrived, writing my blog has done nothing but upset me.
Thank you all for reading,
Hannah
Is it not cathartic to write Han? Putting your thoughts out there into the ether? It would be such a shame if you were to stop; and even if some days not many people post an answer they're still reading and rooting for you. I know it's a tired old cliche but tomorrow really is another day. Take a little step and don't forget your handkerchief! Much love, Lisa xxx
ReplyDeleteIt is Lisa, very cathartic, and putting the words into a journal just isn't the same. It's the ether part where I get to just throw my words out with whatever feelings I'm having. The problem isn't the blogging as such, I am very sad to lose that, it's this feeling I can't shake of expectation, that I have to say the right things and if I don't blog then I should have. I know it sounds terrible, and I'm not being self centred but it's just stopped feeling expressive and cathartic and started to feel like something I'm doing for other people. When I posted that fight club passage I felt so acidic with fury I couldn't contain it, but I felt terrible afterwards, like I'd done something wrong. If I can't express how I really feel, and I have to write something just for other people, well then I've lost the real reason for the blog already. Thank you for your reply, in honesy, I worry more that I will get replies than that I won't!
DeleteWrite for you on those days you feel like it - you don't have to publish! Save as a draft, then it's there for you to read and no one else. If you start like that the feeling that you're writing for yourself may well come back - or, if you do want to publish, set up another secret blog and fling it into the ether, nobody needs to know it's you! All adventures have bad days, but that doesn't mean that there won't be good ones as well. Relax into yourself and if some days you do nothing that's ok, you're beholden to no one. Just know that there are plenty of folks back here who are thinking of you. We have no expectations, we do not judge, we just care. XXX
DeleteHey Han, I am glued to your every move, I check in just in case you have popped up, do me a favour and at least post the odd photo, this is a journey for us too and it shouldn't be stressful. I will log in most days and love to see you there, in fact I worry when you're not. Sleep on it, hopefully see you tomorrow. Love you Hannah. You'll always be one of mine so let me know you are ok from time to time. Xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Lesley, it means a lot for me for you to say that. But for me, the Blog has lost it's meaning, it's not just that I'm fed up, knowing I need to tell people what's going on, even when I'm having a black day and I don't want to is draining me. I feel like the blog isn't about expression anymore, not about me spilling my thoughts and feeling out but about me telling everyone where I am and keeping them updated. That scares me. It also scares me that I am having some really sensitive days and the smallest thing in any one person's reply can shut me down and make me unable to cope. I have very mixed feeling about this, I really didn't want it to get to the point where stopping the blog was all I felt I could do, but I just feel so unhappy, and having to express how I feel even when I don't want to is just too much, especially when daying how I really feel would upset people.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your concern, I love you and hope you're well,
Hannah
Do what feels right to you Han sweetie. Your trip, your blog, your decision. Before we went on our trip I was bought a very lovley (and expensive) travel journal. I promised to fill it to the brim with our adventures. For the first 3 weeks or so I loved writing it, then I stopped loving writing it. So I stopped writing and just carried on with our adventure. Looking back can come in so many different formats. Memories, photographs, feelings - all these and more are so valid. Just do what Han wants and be done. If you come back to this blog fine. If you don't fine too. You're in charge of your destiny here. Wibble or wobble or teeter or tremendous - it's ok. Let it be xxx Lex xxxx
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah I understand, hope to hear from you soon, makes notes to your self on your touch. You will have some thing to go back to without having to make it public. love you Dad
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Han, travel safely. Kath xx
ReplyDeleteJust to let you know we're still thinking of you - hope you're safe, and that you're gaining something from your adventure, facing your challenges. You are a beautiful, brave & such a strong explorer - of all dimensions. Looking forward to seeing you at the Dingle. K xxx
ReplyDelete